Dual....:-)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
