Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I party with great urgency now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
