toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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