She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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