is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
