Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
