Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love you. Go after that dick
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
