If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
