community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
