he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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