I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
