I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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