And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
