Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
