did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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