I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
