Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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