i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
