did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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