I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
