Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize