I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
