well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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