he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
