she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
