Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
