I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's always time for handjobs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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