Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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