phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everything about him screamed your future.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
