I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
