I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
