All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
