Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
