Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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