I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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