Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
