chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
