My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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