the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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