I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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