Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
