did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
