i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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