I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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