I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
