How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
