Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
