Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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