so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
