weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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