Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I FOUND THE LEGS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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