i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
