I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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