the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
