I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
